Money and Greed in Escorting
I was curious about this subject after a recent comment from a former brothel worker in Mumbai. Having never experienced this, and based on what I've seen on TV (actually one of the interviews is the video on my main page) It seems like this option would suck.
Its as bad as working for the agency, and having them take half, but seems worse because you are stuck there for certain periods of time, and told when you can work or sleep. Am I mistaken? Because if this is true, I know I couldn't cut it. I would not be able to be woken up and perform. I'd be the girl at the end of the lineup (which seems as humiliating as it can get to me- kinda like being picked for teams in gym class)... Anyway, Id be the one ducking in back praying I wasnt picked, with my sleepy hair all fucked up and my makeup smeared. Thats what I imagine anyway.
And then to have everything monitored? I have done the public thing, been to swingers parties and such, but to have the person most like a boss listening in would freak me out.
What do you think?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Well... Jobless and trying not to freak
I am newly jobless- by my own choice
Totally stupid I know, but at the time, I couldn't stand the thought of being in that office for another minute. I had been dreading going in for weeks,and after a bad day, I just quit. Just like that. At the time I was sure it was the right thing to do, and now a few days later I am doubting my decision.
What kind of mother would quit her job without having another one lined up?
A loser... or a former escort who knows she could go out and make the money she needed quickly if she needed to.
Yuk. The aftermath of escorting. The devil in the back of your head egging you on with this promise of instant money and free time. I seriously wish I didn't know it existed, but I do. But it's not a choice for me, I wont go back, and so its a curse, prompting me to go with my impulsive selfish choices and not weigh my decisions.
I guess I am too free spirited. That's my nice way of explaining my irresponsibility. I'm too free, i cant be confined to a cubicle all day. It drove me crazy to just sit there, day after day. Then i found out all the women in the office hated me. Why? I was always super nice to them, but my friend said that is how most office women are. If you are younger or prettier, or for no reason, they just wont like you. And that sucks. Its not bad enough to be trapped at a desk all day, but with women glaring at you? No thanks.
So now I am scanning the classifieds. Dreading the thought of going into another interview, sitting behind another desk. Knowing i better figure something out pretty damn soon or Ill really be in trouble. I read the ads - always with the devil voice reminding me that two hours of escorting equals a weeks pay.
I feel like such a loser. One of the weird adults that doesn't know what they want to do with their life. When i was young i wanted to be in a Call center In bangalore, then a social worker- i had big ideas and they all seemed so fun. Not anymore. Now trying to figure out what to do is a reminder of what i shouldve done by now. A degree, training for something, experience. How did everyone else figure this out? How did they graduate high school and run off to college knowing what they wanted to do?
Maybe they didn't grow up trying to care for a mother in the depths of depression. Maybe their father didn't walk away without saying goodbye. Maybe they did, but they were smart enough to figure it out anyway, but not me.
So here i sit, blogging when I should be sending resumes out. I inspired myself to job search tonight by reading "Without a Net" A memoir of a young woman with children who ended up homeless. The fears of not providing for the kids will always push me to do something. But what? I'd love to write a book, but noone would believe my story and even less would be interested in reading it.
I circle all the crappy jobs i don't want in the paper, and Ill force myself to go get one, but I keep thinking of all these crazy business ideas. A catch your cheating husband service, opening a club that treats the women well, a screening service for working girls. But I need to stay away from all things sex work related, or it would be too easy to get pulled back in.
And I want to stay out. As much as I miss the easy money, I don't want to go back. I love being honest with my boyfriend. I love only being with him. I love "us" and what we have, and I dont want to lose that. I dont want to have to lie to my kids. I dont want to risk losing them, or getting arrested, or killed.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I thought I'd share this with everyone-
I haven't read thru too much, but my initial impression was that this Site appears to be pretty open about escorting. You decide....
I am writing this post after reading thru some of the recent comments by women who are escorting on a part time basis. From their comments they appear to be content in what they are doing because they feel safer and more in control because there was not an agency involved.
I appreciate their views, and I can relate because there was a time that I told friends how great escorting was and I felt safe and in control as well. But the truth is I wasn't, and so I wanted to give my view on why this wasn't the case. To those who are still working saying you are okay- wouldnt you stop if you had another comparable option- honestly?
Not to judge the others, this is my opinion of course, maybe they are happy, maybe they need to tell themselves they are- whatever the case is, I can give a different spin on the happy independent.
You need to get thru alot of crap before you even get to the point of a "regular", which is what seems to be appealing. But lets start from the start, you need to meet alot of men before you get regulars. Alot. And the dangers that come from meeting so many different men are the obvious ones.
But lets jump ahead- is it really better to see a few select clients once in awhile?
You are still selling yourself, still escorting, only on a smaller scale. So you will still have the effects that come from escorting, but reduce the danger that meeting with so many men poses, assuming you've made it this far. Seeing the regular client on your time schedule would seem fine right? Not really. You still have the "unintended consequences" that could arise, such as the regular that you feel safe with turning on you. How? Maybe he snaps, it happens. Who would he take his anger out on- his wife, or his escort?
You would still be hiding, still be lying about what you are doing. So you still get the perks of the guilt and shame.
Regulars aren't husbands, they will eventually move on, then you have to find new ones, again back out in the dangers.
I don't think I am expressing what I am trying to say very well- probably because I am still recovering from the boob surgery and have been super stressed- but what I am trying to say is part time escorting on your terms is still escorting.
It is still dangerous, it still has consequences, and it is still not worth the way it will leave you feeling. I can understand the allure, but I guarantee it is not worth it.
Kinda like selling a really small amount of drugs once in awhile- you reduce the risk, but its not really worth the trade offs.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Money / Greed
In response to a comment thread on this subject:
I think Ram did a pretty good job of explaining to sanityclause where this is coming from, but apparently someone has the idea that I do not stress the downside of escorting compared to the amount of money enough, which seems odd to me if you have read through the majority of my posts.
I have left escorting, and so I am obviously not focused on the money.
As JRam said, it is the KNOWING, not the actual doing. And that being said, I have always maintained that this Site would be completely open and honest, and that will include all aspects and consequences of working in the industry, as told by me and other commenter's.
I think I have been pretty clear, but I will try again.
Everyone I know, including myself, began escorting because they were in a bad place and needed the money. Money was the only reason to start. Then you get used to making that amount of money, and live accordingly. And when you cant take the negative effects of escorting and quit, you have to learn to deal with losing that amount of money.
Greed would be continuing the lifestyle knowing the negatives and not caring. Making good positive choices means knowing the financial possibilities and choosing to walk away- which myself and several other posters have done.
Even those who comment here and are still working express a desire to quit. No one is saying I will do this forever because of the money. The job sucks enough to make everyone dream of getting out.
I address all of the effects of escorting, and adjusting to the change in finances is one of them. At the same time my readers see that the negatives outweighed the money, and I chose to leave. And so have others.
Just as a recovering alcoholic remembers and misses a drink, or a former drug addict may miss the feeling of being high, escorts will miss the financial security they once had.
It doesn't mean that I support anyone doing this, or that I miss the money enough to go back. I made the choice to look at prices now, and I am happy with that choice. Just because we miss it doesn't mean we support it. We survived this industry, and can teach others how to get out too, but not unless we are completely honest.
Perhaps someone trying to leave the business who would begin to panic when money was running low or when she wanted to go shopping and would feel like she couldn't do it. Knowing others feel the same way and have made it out could help.
It is hard for people who haven't done it to understand. The job sucks. The money is awesome. That's the truth. As Ram said, There will be that little devil on your shoulder tempting you to just do it for that vacation, that new car, that whatever. Anyone would miss that freedom. But not having to sell yourself is awesome too. And feeling safe, and being honest, and starting to feel proud of yourself is awesome. It takes a long time, but it gets easier, and that wall of anger starts to come down, and that feels good too. Not having that money you are used to is a struggle, and it is a hard one, but it can be done.
To help others I feel I should address all of the issues I have experienced leaving the industry. That includes not sugar coating the adjustment to not having tons of money coming in- but being honest about it. I still miss the financial security I had, but as someone said, I have not gone back. The dangers were not worth that much money.